7th March 2018: Good sick?


Dear Diary,

Instead of just thinking about my most promising business idea of late, I decided to jump in, start sending out queries, and get the ball rolling! Even the simple act of probing manufacturers for information made me soo excited/anxious I feel a little sick!… In a good way?

There’s also the doubt though… is my idea good enough? Is it any better than anyone else’s? Will it stand out from the crowd, or is my idea just not as exciting as I thought it was? Am I overestimating my talent?

Then there’s the other side… What’s the worst that can happen? I have to troll through manufacturers getting samples on my own dime, potentially waste a bunch of the few spare hours I have, and have to deal with knowing that there are some that will get satisfaction out of my failure?

My rational side convinced me that I could potentially waste my time and money in my spare time, and cop negativity from people regardless of what I’m doing, so I might as well ignore my emotional side and jump in… I’m soo nervous! It’s such small potatoes in the great scheme of things, but I have to start somewhere!

Stay frantic,





16th Feb 2018: Hello Anxiety


Dear Diary,

It gradually rolled over me yesterday, like the darkness at dusk. My partner asked if it was all the pressure from going back to working and studying at the same time, but honestly I don’t feel much pressure from all that (yet), classes have only just started and we’re still just being introduced to concepts. Even if I did feel the pressure, I’ve always been a grinder… I can keep cranking until I drop to the floor when I’m levelheaded, but when the darkness creeps in, it’s like moving through treacle. I still do it, but it takes 10x the energy.

Really the issue was a bit of a combination of lone wolf syndrome, and a bit of travel anxiety about my upcoming trip.

The first is largely about how I’ve always felt different, and like I didn’t quite fit in. In the last few years I’ve started to see this as a blessing, and loved being different. I even built a bit of an armour around myself so that people’s negative comments about it just bounced off, which could at times make me seem a little stand-offish, but I was just protecting my own personal energy. I think I have been having such a great time lately, and around great people, and I let my guard all the way down, letting some of the taint in…

The latter is because I always worry that I am going to forget something when I go travelling! And since this will be my first long haul, I keep trying to think of whatever I might have missed! I’m also not great with turbulence so I’m trying not to think about the fact that there’s a cyclone headed our way…

Anywho, life goes on. I know I’m being irrational when it hits, so as usual I withdrew and kept to myself until I finished work, had a mini meltdown when I got home and let the yuck out, and pulled myself together in time for my guitar lesson.

Anxiety is a bitch, but I wholeheartedly believe everything I’m doing is worth fighting for, and worth slugging up the hill until it flattens out into a plateau again. I’m also incredibly grateful for the people in my life who get it, and don’t add to the pile of yuck by making me feel even less adequate for being down about irrational things, when I’m already on the floor.

Stay grateful x




Day 89: 90 Day Commitment Challenge with Danelle Delgado


Another big day working from sun-up til sun-down! Although thankfully not as late as the night before…

It’s something I’ve just always had the capacity to do, work long hours. As long as I have confidence in what I’m happy to keep chipping away at what I’m doing until it’s done. It’s where I don’t have confidence in what I’m doing that it all falls apart and my anxiety kicks in… It’s useful, but only in combination with having something productive to do!

I feel like a lot of people struggle with this confidence and and anxiety issue… competence breeds confidence, and the best way to be competent is to keep doing what you’re doing until you’re good at it, or you’ve achieved what you set out to do!

I hope you’re smashing your day today!




Day 36: 90 Day Commitment Challenge with Danelle Delgado


Anxiety has welcomed me back to the party it seems. It is time to slash and re-adjust what I am doing. Anxiety is my “canary in the coal mine”, it let’s me know when deep down I don’t think I am on the best path to what I want, or perhaps what I want has changed, but my actions have not changed to reflect this.

Time to get honest and make some changes that truly make me happy down to my soul, and then tackle it at full steam!

I hope you’re smashing your goals today!




Days 18 & 19: 90 Day Commitment Challenge with Danelle Delgado


As you can see by the title, I accidentally skipped a day’s blog (not very consistent!). I had a draft ready to go, and was going to quickly finish and publish in the half hour between my day job and night job but in all honesty, I sat down when I got there and got completely distracted, and had forgotten all about it by the time I got home… which is something else I need to work on… checking off my to-do list before I go to bed to make sure I haven’t missed anything, before it’s a new day and a new list!

This week I received some news about changes coming up to one of my jobs that added a little extra anxiety. However,I also know change is the only thing that is constant, and regardless of what happens, I will figure it out. New problems are new opportunities right?!

I hope you’ve been smashing your goals!



Day 8: 90 Day Commitment Challenge with Danelle Delgado

Photo by Cassidy Kelley on Unsplash

Yesterday, my feelings of being anxious and overwhelmed kicked up a notch. I knew that it was a pointless waste of energy, and I needed to get my head back in the game, but it was like I was like I was doing everything in a sea of molasses.

By the time I got to my singing lesson yesterday night I felt like I was moving towards a panic attack, but pushed through the lesson, and went straight to bed when I got home.

It wasn’t that I was doing more than I usually do (because other than the gratitude journal it was pretty much business as usual), but I couldn’t shake the feeling that although I had been working hard to hit my goals daily, that it wasn’t enough.

Am I putting extra pressure on myself because of the challenge? or is it something else? Either way, I will figure it out!

I hope you’re smashing your goals today!



Day 7: 90 Day Commitment Challenge with Danelle Delgado


If you follow my youtube channel, then you may already know that yesterday was a “head down and push through it” kind of day.

It probably didn’t help that I had a little bit of a late night, was pretty tired when I woke up, but got up and pushed through anyway. I’m glad I did, because by the time I got home from work, I was still tired, overwhelmed by everything that I’ve set out to do, and letting myself think about the things that no matter how hard I had already worked, had not yet achieved.

In other words, I was in the motivational danger zone.

So because I had already done my to-do list in the morning and throughout the day when I had a few ounces of motivation, I got home and just sat back, got some perspective from those I look up to, and had an early night. The evenings are my chill time / time to spend with my partner, so I’m still on track with the challenge.

Nothing that is worth having comes easy. On to another day.